Thursday, June 19, 2008

letting it all go

Sometimes I feel really great about life, and there are other times when it is just plain ho hum.

Today a 15 year old weight was lifted off my shoulders and it feels awesome.

Usually I pride myself in being someone who doesn't hold grudges and gets over stuff. But I have to admit, I've been clinging onto something I should have let go of long ago.

You see, I've been angry at someone. Angry because this person really hurt me and others who I cared about. They lied about me. And basically the friendship I thought was real, simply was not.

If I could look at my life, I could say that I feel good about most things that I have done, or I have treated people to the best of my ability. I've even "forgiven and forgotten".

But after hearing about this person from another friend (who has been absent from my life for quite some time now), I got all upset and angry all over again. And it's this fragmented friendship that sits in the back of my head unresolved and getting bitter with age.

So grumbling and getting upset about it for the most part of the day, I got on with it: washing, a pre-production meeting at the office, caught up with an old friend, grocery shopping, putting my boy down for his midday sleep, getting my work done at the home office, then the afternoon chores such as preparing dinner, preparing my son for bed and all that goes with it.

When it was all done, I lay on the couch and picked up a book I've been picking up and putting down for some time now, but just haven't finished. You could say it was timely, but the book is called "Seven Secrets for Feeling Fantastic" and the chapter I started reading was "Looking to the right things".

There it was in black and white. As I got to the subheading "Friends and Foes" I thought, this is ridiculous. I have to let this bitterness go. It has to go to God finally, and forever.

And just like that I got over it. And you know what? It feels great.

Nothing has really changed in reality, but my heart and my mind has changed. My mutual friend had given me the opportunity to contact this person, and I did it. I told her, it was okay. And despite the hurt, it's in the past.

And it really is.