no baby this time

When you find out you're pregnant, it's meant to be filled with happiness and expectation. You imagine what your little baby will look like, whether s/he will be different from the first and what their little life will bring. The dreams of What Will Be are so exciting.

Well, that's how I felt nine weeks ago when, feeling slightly queasy, I made an appointment with the doctor. I skipped home with excitement as the results were all positive and couldn't wait to tell my darling hubby.

We had decided not to tell a soul until all was well, and so it was the 12 week ultrasound that we were anticipating the most. We even discussed whether we would find out the sex of the baby and share it with our girls.

Then the worst thing happened. At the ultrasound we were told that they could not detect a heartbeat. All I saw was an empty sac. No baby inside.

What eventuated was a very harrowing 24 hours with a very nasty miscarriage, massive loss of blood, a hospital stay and labour pains that were not going to result in a cherub I could hold and take care of.

It's been an emotional time and will take a lifetime to get over. It makes me scared to death about the possibilities of getting pregnant again, even if I can, and something I may even fear in the future.

For now, I miss the dreaming, the anticipation, the reality of holding a baby in my arms, and having life inside of me.

A GODDESS IN THE KITCHEN. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?

When I moved out of home, my reportoire was three recipes - stir fry, toasties and pasta.

Cooking wasn't really anything I was interested in doing. After all, I had a social life to worry about. So, when I wasn't eating out, tomato chutney and cheese grills was about all I lived on.

I even cringe when I think of the time I invited my grandparents to my new place for peanut stir-fry (one of my favourite things) with no rice. They were so polite and even ate it.

love those curls

I've been relishing in the fact that my boy has curls like his dad, bragging to everyone about how cute they are, and basically being a big show off.

But then a friend told me that if his fringe wasn't curly (it is indeed straighter than the back) they were probably only baby curls. And upon Madison's first haircut his hair might possibly be straight from then on.

But I think (hope?) that the curls are here to stay. I attacked Madison's fringe the other day, and well - it's bounced right back up.

So (fingers crossed), he's got his daddy's lovely hair...

self pic

Is it just me, or are these self-pics the funniest? I've been taking a few lately and think they are hilarious. It brings out all the individual's personality... and makes a jolly good picture to laugh at.

Above: Me with Lindy and Mish THEN with Steve and Madison.

queen vic markets

Another weekend with Kelly in Melbourne meant we had an opportunity to do something special. So off we went to the Queen Victoria Markets to do some window shopping.

It was interesting to see Madison surrounded by heaps of people. He just made himself at home on the curb and ate his sandwich while we ate our yummy donuts.

adelaide memories

With my DH away so much, it was a great excuse to go and visit Adelaide.

The purpose was two-fold. My mum hadn't seen Madison since he started walking and my best friend Janine who, after having three boys, had her first baby girl - Kaitlyn Maree.

So, off we went and had a lovely time. Janine and I even had a chance to take some Baby and Me pictures which I think turned out lovely. And her little girl - an absolute treasure. Janine is obviously smitten and totally thrilled about her little girl.

family pics

We had one of those rare weekends when we had the whole family together, and so I grabbed my camera and made the most of the moment. Of course, I didn't think of putting myself in the them until afterwards, but here are the rest of the Piez's instead.

Maddy is 14 months old

There has been a resurgence of requests for more Madison pics. So here they are.

He has been quite 'helpful' in the renovating and likes to put his piece in where he can. This included lying down right on top of Dad when he was exhausted.

He is now in the full swing of walking/running/climbing and was able to achieve climbing to the top of a ladder, run into walls and walk out on the road.

Gosh, it's been fun.

renovation rescue

It's been absolutely ages since I blogged and I have a very good reason.

You know that show "Renovation Rescue" or in fact, any of those reality TV shows that have before and after. Well, that's us.

Except we didn't film anything or put it on TV for anyone to watch.

In an investment property, our last tenant left (read: evicted) and so we thought now was a good time to increase the value of our property, receive more rent and basically get this baby looking good!

So, for the past six weeks we have been busy little bees renovating this property.

Since we collect antiques (nothing younger than 19th century) this one needed some work. Most of you who know me, know that I am not really coordinated or skilled in anything like this. But we basically gave her a good reno including lovely new walls, new carpet, new bathroom, and new blinds. She's looking good.

The best bit: a lovely tenant who will care for her like we would.

Now we have returned to our own home which desperately needs a little upkeep herself...

blue boy

Don't you love the way that kids suck a ballpoint pen, and then leave it all over the sheets, the clothes...

Look at that satisfied grin?

birthday boy

I know I did a digital scrapbooking of Madison's first birthday, but no pics of his actual party-going behaviour.

That includes his pyromaniac beginnings...

So, here they are...

a few of my favourite things

A few weeks back, there was a challenge going around to share some of our favourite things.

It has taken me some time to think long and hard about what are my favourite things, but here they are to share with you:

1. Family is my number one. So, here's to you the love of my lives: Steve, Kelly, Leah and Madison. I could eat Madison's cheeks, they are so delicious (the girls may not find that so acceptable though!).

We have a beautiful old home that is in the process of being lovingly restored. So there aren't too many beautiful things in it and the walls are still bare and lonely. But the transformation has begun and there are now a few pockets of the home which I really love.

2. Recently, Steve's grandmother gave us her piano. She is 99 and still going strong. She has just recently started living with Steve's parents and her house is being cleared up for tenants. We were the lucky ones who received her piano, which means so much to us. It is something that Steve has to remember her by, her grandchildren can learn to play on it, and I play it very frequently.

3. My darling husband who is good at pretty much everything has restored a kitchen buffet and a side table. The side table turned out to be blackwood and is now in our hallway. It has our wedding pics on it (including my favourite pics of our girls) with some flowers I was given last week. Now everytime I walk into the hallway I feel all warm and fuzzy.

4. Secondly, the buffet is still a work in progress and needs some company in our bare kitchen (like a dining suite!), but I just love the whole 'thrown together look' of the hutch. Steve recently gave it another coat of paint which has given it a little bit of shine. And I polished the brass handles. Good as new!

5. Lastly, I splurged a couple of weeks back and bought us new linen for the master bedroom. We have just inherited a lovely brass bed (that's still coming), but I love the colours of the bedspread and how much it goes with our room which has a bright yellow ceiling and white ceiling rose!

lots of love

Call me soppy or sentimental, but I have just gotten off the phone to our eldest daughter, and gosh - I really miss her.

We have just chatted about life, her work, being a mum and of course Madison's progress.

She can't wait to be a mum and be at home. That is really great and I just love that she isn't going to try and fit the mould of the working career girl like the Generation Xers who were told we could have it all. Well, that's a load of rubbish. It seems that anything goes these days.

I just did a little quick digital scrap which shows how I feel about our kids. It's short and sweet...

happy birthday

It's now a year since Madison was born (well, tomorrow anyway). As most mums say, "the time has just flown by" and reflecting back, it's been a busy year.

How anyone can believe in evolution still has me stumped, and now I am more sure than ever that it isn't possible. Especially when I see the miracle of a baby growing into an adult. The learning curve is amazing.

Just today I visited a friend who has just had a baby. Holding this precious little bundle brought back to me that only a year ago, Madison was that small and helpless. Now he can get himself around and continues to delight in the Education Game called Discovery.

He continues to dazzle me with his fascination with life and it helps me to appreciate the little things all over again.

My best friend Janine was over last weekend and for those of you who know her, she is a scrapbooking addict. She loves it so much she owns her own scrapbooking store and is on an elite design team for her designs (go to ScrapbookStation if you're interested!). She is also published regularly in the scrapbook magazines. Anyway, she has been convincing me of scrapbooking, and thinks I could be good for it.

Well, she hadn't convinced me until now as I just don't have anywhere to store lots of papers and pretty embellishments, until she told me about digital scrapbooking. I did some googling and was quite impressed at what you can do. And it seems to be more my price range (which always helps!). Even though I haven't bought anything 'scrappie' just yet, I have been fiddling with my newfound knowledge in Adobe Illustrator and think that this could be my new hobby! It's the beginning of something beautiful, I think!

Happy birthday Beautiful Sunshine. May there be many wonderful birthdays to come...

green finger

My husband will be the first to tell you that I am not a green thumb. In fact, my step-daughters will even have a sarcastic comment or two about my total lack of ability.

But yesterday I helped my DH do exactly that. We have been designing and developing our front garden.

Or, to be totally honest, my DH has designed it totally, but I have had creative input: yep, do that. That's about the extent of it though.

We have a garden that is basically dirt and sawdust. I know your first thought is: we must have a newly built house. But that's not true as our house is over 100 years old. We just purchased an unfinished property.

So, we (not DH mainly) has been paving the paths and raking the leaves and having a general tidy up.

I mentioned to a friend on Sunday that my husband was laying brick. I tell you, it's a totally dirty job. You should have seen my work overalls afterwards.

But I am delighted with the results. We now have a lovely brick path leading to the front steps and it looks just quaint. Apart from the very shiny cement inbetween the bricks, it looks like it has always been there. Now we just need to get that picket fence up and going, pave the driveway, install the workshop, add the extension, put in a new kitchen...

Don't you just love renovations?

WAITING FOR THE PENGUINS.

Last weekend was awesome.

It was as close to a family reunion that I will ever have (except for the Christmas to come - but more about that at Christmas!). My 'baby' brother Stephen came to Melbourne and we headed to Phillip Island where my Dad and Step-mum have their beach house.

It was a scream and lots of fun. I think my little sister was in absolute heaven with so many brothers and sisters around. And my brother really brings out the 'naughty' in her! And my dad enjoyed having three of his four brood around. Yep, and we ate way to well with Ria's cooking.

We checked out the penguins and had a bit of fun on the side and ate too much junk while waiting for the sun to go down and for the penguins to come home. The penguin show was a little disappointing... not quite as many as I had hoped, but still it was cute watching them all come out of the ocean and waddle their way home. Just only around 100 instead of the thousands I had imagined.

Overall, it was such a relaxing weekend and Maddy really enjoyed his first easter egg. Did someone say Choklat? I think that will be his first word. Not mummy and daddy...!

Oh, and did I mention how beautiful the weather was?

| Stephen, Daisy and I filling in time; Madison enjoying the scrumptious weather at Phillip Island. |

a real boy

Since Madison first learnt to make sounds, he has been able to make a few noises that sound a lot like an engine. Or a car, or a bike...

He is such a boy, and he delights in getting behind the wheel whenever he can.

Check out the grin!

big sister time

A couple of weeks back Madison's biggest sister Kelly came to visit.

We all had a lovely time and on the weekend and went up to Warburton for a church afternoon program. The view was lovely and Kelly took some cute pics.

It's fantastic to be near the girls again so we can catch up more regularly...

Above: Madison and that view, want some teething rusk?, and with his big sister.

TODDLERS, TAMPONS + TROUBLE.

I now understand what all my friends and family meant when they said: "When your child is quiet... beware!"

A couple of things have happened this week which are definitely worth sharing.

Usually when I work from home, I have my laptop on a very large desk. Madison usually rummages around underneath playing with chords, toys and usually whatever he finds in the vicinity. He is usually happy just to be close to mummy...

I became quite absorbed in what I was doing (ask my DH - I do that quite well!) and it was some time before I realised that Madison had been quiet for a while. I knew he was safe as he was at my feet, but something had particularly taken his fancy. I looked down to find that he had gotten into my handbag and unwrapped - wait for it - a tampon.

That's not the best bit.

He was sucking on it. Yes, that's gross.

But I consoled myself in thinking it was a brand new one in a wrapper.

Ok. That's still very gross.

ANYWAY:

Now that Madison is quite the experienced crawler, he is happy to now entertain himself around the house. Just last week he has discovered how to open the pantry doors. Unfortunately we do not have a large built in, but rather an kitchen hutch which my DH built some years ago. So, it is low and perfect Madison height.

I don't mind when he is in there because most of the food is either in jars or tupperware. But he was one step ahead of mummy today.

Checking my emails, doing the washing and the sorts of odds and ends mums do kept me busy and knowing I could hear Madison near by meant he was happy, breathing and sort-of out of trouble...

I came back into the kitchen after putting on a load of washing to find my son had taken out most of the food items out of the bottom shelf and had found himself a Twix bar. He had been chewing the wrapper so intently he had actually gotten himself a good taste of the chocolate.

So good in fact that he had it all over his jeans, hands, face, the floor. But the smile was worth a million dollars! He was so damn happy with himself! Yes, he is a choco-holic!

The smile was better than the times he plays in the fireplace soot and comes out of the room with a black face, black hands, black clothes and thinks I am none the wiser! Aah, the innocence!

Madison is certainly going to be a little character and is already proving to be the true explorer!

Above: Maddy with the tampon, Maddy the chocoholic (check out that smile)!

getting dirty

I have a theory.

The dirtier you get, the more fun you are having. And I don't mean R rated dirty. I mean grotty dirty. You know, roll around in the mud dirty.

Now that I have cleared that up, I can now tell you that Madison is surely going to be an outside boy.

When the screen door is left open, he's out there in a flash, and mighty miserable when he gets picked up and brought back inside.

When he gets to pick flowers he is delighted.

When Dad carries him around showing him the butterflies he happily points back at them and makes cute sounds.

He grins like a cheshire cat when he is reeled about in the wheelbarrow.

But when he is in the dirt, it's the best.

Giggles, singing and all sorts of happy noises leave his mouth when he is dirty. And the dirtier, the more happy.

Pictures speak louder than words for this story... But warning: pictures do not show up how dirty he actually is!