That's it. No more mother guilt, no more apologising, and no more feeling overwhelmed. I'm on a roll, and thinking like a man.
What, you ask? What do you mean when you say that?, you exclaim.
Well, I'm tired of the mother guilt. Tired of juggling. And tired of multi-tasking.
Okay, I'm not completely tired of multi-tasking. There's always room for another part of the brain to be used while the kids are in the bath and I'm cooking dinner (after all work, calls to Western Australia work well as they are two hours behind).
I'm talking about the multi-tasking that goes on in my head.
Perhaps you understand what I mean. The mind that never stops. The body that goes to work, but the head which is thinking about tomorrow's birthday party that you haven't bought a present for yet, the ingredients you need to buy for tonight's dinner with friends, or the phone calls needed for the kitchen renovation. Thinking non-stop about all the things that have nothing to do with work.
And the mother guilt: over that, too.
Besides, what's the point of doing the 'office work' at home when the kids are awake, or not yet at kinder? Long ago, I gave up on the two year old demanding my time to put together the lego he just pulled apart seventeen times already, and then having the five year old asking why you haven't made him breakfast yet while finishing a work report. Seriously, what's the point of trying to do it when they're biting my ankles? And it takes double the time to do half the work.
Now I get out of the house, spend quality time with the lads, and then do the work stuff when the time is right.
And I'm not saying sorry to my child for not playing with them then either. There's time to play and there's time to work. And just because Mummy works from home, doesn't mean that she should apologise for it.
This change of attitude is the result of the ridiculous load of things on my plate lately. The renovating, the filming, work, investments, tax time, plus being a wife and mother. Also, I've been observing the men I work with, and the one who I live with. (For a very long time.) And I watch them travel extensively for business, working one or two projects at a time. Not apologising to anyone. The attitude is this: I'm not thinking about that at the moment, I'll think about it when it's time to.
So, why am I thinking like that? Because for years, this talk and attitude has driven me crazy. Especially when I've wanted to talk more about that Other Matter.
But I've decided to join the bandwagon.
No more guilt, because I'm spending enough time with the kids. And no more thinking about everything at the same time. I'm shelving the things I don't need to think about, and focusing on the bits that are the most important/urgent. It's been a conscious effort.
But this has been the key to my survival the past few weeks. And I'm going to make it something I consciously try to do in the future. A new mindset, in fact.
And so far, it's working.
How about you? Have you changed the way you look at things? Have you had so much on your plate that you have decide to think like a man and stop multi-tasking or apologising?
Why don't you join in? After all it's a great way to cope with stress. All you have to do is follow me, add your Try Something New post below and add a link back to me in your post. You can also include the lovely button (below). Then pop over to visit other bloggers who have done something new this week.
Oh Kymmie I salute you! I am so rundown I will try anything (read bronchitis, laryngitis, with a side of infected tooth) I'm over just about everything right now. But I love your idea, something has to be done right? Us mums / wives do too much and worry too much the whole time. I say it's time for a break too:)
ReplyDeleteHearing you loud and clear. Multi-tasking has been praised as a virtue for far too long. It's still considered a coveted attribute despite studies showing that it weakens the brain, shortens the attention span and means everything you attempt to do is drenched in half-arsery.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have badges made that say, "Just Say No To Multi-Tasking".
The mother guilt is hard to escape. It has consumed me over the last year and I am completely over it too. Fortunately I'm now in a position where I can do something about it.
And I like the idea of not apologising. I apologise way too much.
Nice tie, by the way.
x
Oh Kymmie ... I just love you. I might need a little bit of time to work up to this but I love the idea. How wonderful!
ReplyDeleteAh. But it is so much easier for a man because they know YOU are doing the thinking for them. I hope it works for you with no-one multi-tasking in the household. I will watch with baited breath because I would do just about anything for a clear head some of the time! You are a cool chick Kymmie x
ReplyDeleteHere I am, surrounded by chaos, trying to get some work finished, desperate to go to bed but conscious of huge washing pile in hallway, dishes in sink etc etc, nodding furiously. You're a better woman than I, Kymmie. Can you give lessons on this man-thinking biz? (Love the tie, BTW!)
ReplyDeleteAll I do is multi task until 8pm and the I multi task for myself, blogging on the iPad and watching tv and talking to Mr H, and maybe getting clothes out for creche in the morning...
ReplyDeleteIt is the only way I can function these days.
Oh, how I can relate to this. The mommy guilt especially. I am a stay-at-home mom who tries to eek out a few seconds of time to blog, write, brush my teeth, between the ten thousand and one things I do with and for my kids, and I STILL feel guilty about it! What's that all about?? I'm finding that my children are empty vats that are NEVER filled!! However, mommy's vat is always near empty. Anyway, good for you. I may just join you!
ReplyDeleteOh I love this (and the top photo of you too - clever gorgeous girl that you are!)
ReplyDeleteI've tried really hard in the last few months to give up the mothers guilt and the worry of doing a thousand things at once.
This week I'm on holidays, and it's amazing how my mindset has changed - makes me think I need to find ways to trick my brain into thinking it's on holidays more often!
Oh, and I did something new this week - just posted photos on my blog of myself painting the house this week - they're not fancy pants shots mind you! xx
This a great perspective Kymmie... and one that I use too but often forget as the bits and pieces pile up. Can't wait to see your kitchen reno. gxo
ReplyDeleteA thought close to me all this week with my husband closing his work door, packing his backpack and walking out for 16 days. No worries about childcare, dinners, school commitments, awards ceremonies missed.......
ReplyDeleteThis needs a whole post but was ultimately why I walked away from nursing. Just too darn hard juggling everything.
Oh to think like a man. It would take having a wife though I think.
Sounds great in theory, BUT I will check back with you in a while and see how it goes IRL. The test will be while Steve is away and you have 2 children yanking at your leg demanding goodness knows what, while you are desperately trying to get dinner on the table, all the while talking on the phone with a friend/family member. You can almost taste that scenario it feels so familiar!!! The principal is good, but the reality will be more challenging!
ReplyDeleteI've read somewhere (in a Carl Jung article I think) that each person has an animus and anima (male and female) persona within. There is usually a dominant one, regardless of gender (and sexual preference ;-) That's why you get to meet women "who think like men" and men whose anima is so strong that they are so attuned to their emotions.
ReplyDeleteThis change in perspective only means you are cultivating your "animus", which I think, is great (after all, there are really wonderful traits in both men and women that we should embrace and conversely, undesirable aspects that we should throw away.) All of us Moms try to be the best we could be in all areas of our lives and we get invariably frustrated when we fail to be so. Love this, Kym. Good luck.
NOOOO you can't do that! Next thing all women will follow, and we NEED you to multi-task.
ReplyDeleteMy blog on the subject:
http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2011/06/why-did-you-do-that.html
Cranky Old Man
My girl friends and I were discussing this just this week!
ReplyDeleteI live with 3 males & work with a whole lot more. I'm not totally convinced that if I stop multi-tasking that my little world won't grind to a complete halt (delusions of grandeur much?)
Hope it works out for you though :)
A great post to link up Kymmie! Thanks for Rewinding x
ReplyDeleteHUge round of applause to you my dear!! This is certainly a life skill I wish my father would have taught me when I was young. It is a conscious effort and you have to keep focusing on it or you will forget and go back to your old habits. You can have it all and do it all!! And you deserve to :)
ReplyDeleteI say that I can multi task, which means I can do several things at the same time badly. It is a learned skill!
ReplyDeleteray