When my step daughter showed me a picture which said "Keep Calm and Hate Everyone," I knew I'd been really grumpy.
I knew it would be like this. Because renovating is hard. There's the cramped conditions, the exhausting work, the mindless labour, and the unappreciated job of trying to ensure that your husband and children are happy and well cared for. It's no shock, because we've done this Renovating Gig a number of times before. It's just a matter of, It's all coming back to me now.
Each Friday night, all my physical abilities cease, and my mind is numb. By Saturday morning, I'm in a fragile way looking for a quiet space. Not physically, as I'm with my family all day. But I retreat and remove myself from being the family centre. I need my husband to fill that space and be with the children, so I can recouperate and put life back into perspective again.
Sometimes being away from the usual work routines, and in a different space, makes you realise what it is that you need to breathe fresh air back into your life. My soul longs for these: A walk along the beach, or even a run. The need to bake. Taking a hundred photos with my camera. I want to read, pray and write, even listen or play some music.
A year or two back I read about this being my auxillary or secondary personality traits - the interests that I'm drawn to when I'm not in full form. It seems my melancholy side comes out and while these aren't what I usually crave, it's what I need when my reserves are low.
Then by late afternoon, the grey cloud lifts and I feel less removed than before. I feel like I'm ready to give wholeheartedly again. My reserves are full, and I know that I can do this for another week. My children and husband are those that I love the most, and I want to give back to them everything that I can.
How do you refill your tank when reserves are low?
I've been in the same funk for a while. Going to Canberra to visit family was lovely but exhausting dealing with everyone and their baggage and then coming home to our chaos... My reserves were empty and the thought of getting up and mothering/wifeing/friending etc was overwhelming!
ReplyDeleteThe last two days I have spent the day doing what I have been so desperate to do. Reading, staying in my pjs all day, painting, crafting with the boys and the best nap with the windows open and the dog snoring beside me. Bliss.
It's important that I do this at least once a month for a weekend or I'm unpleasant to be around! :P
xx
Sounds so good Sass! Sounds like you have the best remedy!
Deleteohh we are so alike you and I kymmie! I get the cranks and I know I just need to take the nearest Exit pronto and have some alone time doing not much but like you said, just not being the centre of everyone, and letting out all the toxins. I find if I can nuture the things that bring peace within, then I am a much more tolerable person to be around! Oh happy renovating lovely lady xx
ReplyDeleteAh yes, we are so alike! I am still learning how far is too far, but my husband thinks its pretty much most Saturdays that I crash and burn. Sunday I'm back to my "old self"! How is the building going? Adding more stress to your already busy plate? X
DeleteMine are looooow and I'm not even renovating yet. I can't find the head space to plan the reno. I'm exactly like you - I retreat, retreat, retreat. And then I com back and I'm better again. x
ReplyDeleteOh Bron, I don't know how you keep your head above water. It's a big gig you have. Sometimes looking after you is the most important thing you can do. I realise that I need something, just small, everyday and a few hours on Saturday. Hugs to you. Xxxx
DeleteOh Kymmie, you poor love. I can relate to this completely. When we were having our kitchen and backyard ripped out and replaced last year, I was so incredibly stressed. I felt displaced and that made me feel icky. I am a creature of habit too and love my feel good routine... very similar to you, exercise, baking, cleaning, being able to reach for the things I love to do, without having to sift through boxes or bags etc...
ReplyDeleteHanging out with my boys, the beach, sewing, listening to music... are all things that save my sanity. That is why I try to do so much of these things and often.
I guess you've just gotta keep thinking, you're another day closer (not further away) from completion of the reno's... and it will be exciting and blissful once they're done! Take care gorgeous xo
Oh Julie, we are made te same, you and I. The triggers are so important to know!
DeleteBeautifully written Kymmie. I think the reason I crashed and burned and I fell in a bit of a heap is because I just didn't do these things. I didn't give myself a break. I am changing my ways though and making myself take the time. For me some time alone or time crafting or doing something creative completely energises and refreshes me. I'm sure half of the cure is recognition of the pattern. All the best with the renos!
ReplyDeleteEmma, this motherhood gig is hard and sometimes it's hard to know when to step back and recognize the burn out signs. I'm so glad that you're taking better care of yourself. We need to remember to stop earlier though!! X
DeleteRenovations are one of the biggest stressors of all, yet much smaller things can leave me feeling the smae way. A walk with the dog or a freshly-made coffee outside on a sunny day can help me just 'be' for a while.
ReplyDeleteI hear you kath. It doesn't take a renovation to feel burnt out and empty. I think the small things are actually what keep us going so that we DON'T empty our reserves. Xxx
DeleteOh I so get you Kymmie, I have been running on the smell of an oily rag for far too long now and have only recently realised that I need to rein myself in. I am longing for and looking forward to really getting back to the basics. Simplifying life, hanging with my family, reading and the ocean are a few of the things that refill my tank.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds beautiful. Us mums really don't look after ourselves, it seems. Take care of us and the family will love us all the more for it. Wish we could have that cup of tea together. It would be so lovely ;) xx
DeleteI get a bad case of the irrits when my tank is low. I've been trying to spend 15 minutes a day working in my visual art diary, to keep the irrits from becoming full blown cranks. I'm desperately craving time ALONE. With no one and no noise. Just me and the sound of my breathing, lit candles, and painting, or reading, or writing, or all three.
ReplyDeleteI made candles this evening, another thing I do to refill my tank. The smells soothe me. Another thing I do, when I can feel my self stretching to snapping point is run a deep bath, lock the bathroom door, and bath by candle light. I have had all three kids talk through the door to me, even though I haven't answered...
Vicki, your idea of just 15 mins a day sounds perfect. The best recipe against the full on grumps! A bath works for me also ;)
DeleteI so relate to this post. I'm trying to remember how I recharge....somewhere between fresh air, good company and time being creative.
ReplyDelete