Thursday, April 04, 2013

MAKING MY WAY BACK TO SANITY.


When my step daughter showed me a picture which said "Keep Calm and Hate Everyone," I knew I'd been really grumpy.

I knew it would be like this. Because renovating is hard. There's the cramped conditions, the exhausting work, the mindless labour, and the unappreciated job of trying to ensure that your husband and children are happy and well cared for. It's no shock, because we've done this Renovating Gig a number of times before. It's just a matter of, It's all coming back to me now.

Each Friday night, all my physical abilities cease, and my mind is numb. By Saturday morning, I'm in a fragile way looking for a quiet space. Not physically, as I'm with my family all day. But I retreat and remove myself from being the family centre. I need my husband to fill that space and be with the children, so I can recouperate and put life back into perspective again.

Sometimes being away from the usual work routines, and in a different space, makes you realise what it is that you need to breathe fresh air back into your life. My soul longs for these: A walk along the beach, or even a run. The need to bake. Taking a hundred photos with my camera. I want to read, pray and write, even listen or play some music.

A year or two back I read about this being my auxillary or secondary personality traits - the interests that I'm drawn to when I'm not in full form. It seems my melancholy side comes out and while these aren't what I usually crave, it's what I need when my reserves are low.

Then by late afternoon, the grey cloud lifts and I feel less removed than before. I feel like I'm ready to give wholeheartedly again. My reserves are full, and I know that I can do this for another week. My children and husband are those that I love the most, and I want to give back to them everything that I can.

How do you refill your tank when reserves are low?