When the days are hard and super long, it's good to remind myself that I chose motherhood.
I wondered for the longest time if I should do it. And at 34, I decided I really, really did. Nothing like waiting for the last minute, right?
And I'm so blessed that I was able to have two perfectly healthy munchkins to add to our lives.
But on a day when the bedroom cupboard is broken open, sunscreen, eye drops, panadol and nasal drops are all emptied onto the bedroom carpet, toys are littered everywhere, the bedroom lamp (and globe) broken, the cot pulled apart (slat by slat), this is when it reminds me the most. (And the sunscreen wiped through the comb was a nice touch too.)
On other days when my son has fallen off the verandah, banged his head, re-opened his forehead wound from last week, thrown my kitchen accessories between the floorboards to the grass below (did I mention we're renoving right now?), I really find it challenging.
It's on days like this I remember my mantra and repeat it over and over again, "I chose to have children. I really wanted this."
I just teared up reading this, its been another long day here too. I don't know what it is about boys, but they really test the boundaries. Thankyou for your post (i'm sorry it happened - but thank you) because it means i'm not alone, and my kids are normal:)
ReplyDeleteOh yes - the choice! We made it, so we have to wear it - even on tough days - and boy oh boy are their a lot of those!!! It's pragmatic and good to know that all mothers i think feel that it gets tough and the light at the end of the tunnel is further that we thought, but then, it makes the good and great days sweeter! xx
ReplyDeleteAh yes..... and don't think it just applies to boys. Or small ones at that. My twelve year old daughter has given me enough 'moments' to take a deep breath, count to ten and remind myself that she was a beautiful baby and I couldn't wait to hold her.
ReplyDeleteStill true.
We have just moved with small kids - not super fun. They can create chaos in no time! Some days are always going to be better than others....
ReplyDeleteI have been reminding myself of this choice often lately.
ReplyDeleteRenovating, winter, small boys ... lots of hard work for you. Just remember, soon you will have a new kitchen, it will be spring, and the mess will be gone. Hope tomorrow is a little less messy. :)
HUGS!!!! This post resonates with so many of us. I think most of us with little ones! Especially when wondering how on earth to clean up bolognese smeared all over the walls, hair, floors...and lipstick drawings from the sofa! :)
ReplyDeleteOh darlin, thank you for your honesty. I could have done with reading this post last week (actually most days I could do with reading this post), because at least I know someone else out there is having similar feelings to mine. It is SO HARD being a Mama and whilst I don't like to complain, because I know how darn lucky I am, it is also incredibly difficult not to express some frustration at times. He really is adorable, your little man :o) xo
ReplyDeleteWhat a challenging day for you! I felt so lucky that I hadn't cleaned the kitchen floor yet when my 2 yo came running in from the sandpit with a tray of sand! I had a frustrated giggle with him and he went to the verandah and fell off his mini tramp and put his tooth through his lip. Blood everywhere! Mothers unite in toddlerhood. Hugs to you while renovating x
ReplyDeleteYou are so not alone with this Kymmie...we too have some really challenging days but a simple giggle or hug is all it takes to melt the frustrations away.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had pnd last year I had to constantly remind myself that we did everything it took to bring Kaizer into this world and that despite how I was feeling he was much wanted, planned and love...it's all that got me through some days.
xx
I tell myself the same thing often! You're so right.
ReplyDeleteMama didn't tell us there would be days like THIS now did she! Oh Kymmie, we all have them don't we -- way more often then we should. Thank heavens there are just as many wonderful moments as bad ones, wish they were as easy to remember. Also wish I was close enough to come over and clean this up! then take you out for coffee :)
ReplyDeleteOMG, it can be so relentless, can't it? I don't remember even knowing how relentless it can be before I signed on that double line. If we knew, well... this is where we stumble to explain that yes, even if we did, we would still sign. Without question.
ReplyDeleteBut man, I can just imagine your pain as you got down to clean that lot up. Hot tears of frustration. x
Enormously relatable post, and beautifully written.
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