Marriage breaker? Me? Never!
Today a friend from kinder told me she was planning on leaving her husband. She's worked out a budget, got an apartment, and is about to sign the lease. I can't begin to tell you how devastated I was, and how into marriage recovery mode I went.
I surprised myself, and realised today, I am an ambassador for marriage. Not once did I utter the words, "You should do it". Not once. I was flat out angling ways to see if there was a chance that she could work it out with her husband. After all, they have two kids. And I know it's not about the kids, but still... it's about the vows. They really do mean something.
Today I also realised that I now make a conscious decision when someone visits my house for the first time. I decide how I want this friendship to go. And I muttered to myself:
"Do I want this friendship to be one of airs and graces, or do I want to be really real with this friendship?"
And today I decided it was going to be the latter. Mostly because it was a mad day, I'd been out all afternoon doing some research. Washing was half done on the floor, and when she was coming over, I knew I wouldn't have a chance to even wipe down the bathroom benches and clean the toilet.
Yep, I was going to be the warts and all type of friend. And I hoped that was okay with her. Because every time I've been to her house, it's always been really neat, clean and tidy. None of which I could describe my house on Wednesday.
Mind you, she and her boys did stay for dinner. That can't be a bad sign, right?
Thanks for stopping by. (Oh, and yes. I finally uploaded the image... and that's me smacking my head because it took so long. Doh!)
It breaks my heart every time I hear that a couple is separating. As a child of divorce, and after experiencing my own divorce (not my choice) I know how painful this is. Not that I at all advocate staying in an unhappy relationship, but the grass is not often greener, and if mistakes of the past are not resolved in your current relationship, they will be repeated in the next!
ReplyDeleteOkay, off my soap box now.
From a fellow marriage ambassador.
Sounds like you're a great friend to her and probably just what she needed. Good on you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame for yor friend. I wonder if they have tried conselling?
ReplyDeleteWe all need to work on or relationship and being guided in discussion can help. As a child of a nasty divorce, I feel for her children but they must also live in a happy home.
She had a whole lot more on her mind than a messy home too so I am glad you didn't stress..
oh the marriage breaker story so sad, especially when you're feeling the total opposite in your marriage. this happened to good friends of ours, and when hubby was trying to support his friend, he just had to be honest and say "anything else going on" - yep, he wasn't being faithful, so of course, once trust is gone, it's gone. hope your friend is ok.
ReplyDeletegood on you for being an ambassador for marriage ;-)
What a sad and incredibly tricky situation for you. I have been there with a good friend of mine... it's not easy. Unless it's an abusive relationship, I would more than likely be on the side of marriage too. You're a good friend Kymmie :o) xo
ReplyDeleteIf I had a choice between fair weather friendship, and warts and all, I would go for warts every time. Life's too short to pretend you're perfect.
ReplyDeleteMy neighbour has the most gorgeous house, always tidy, magazine-like in perfection. I love visiting her unannounced: she's often in her PJ pants in the afternoon! If it weren't for catching her in her PJs, I don't know if I ever would have befriended her. She seemed too perfect, but now I know she's just a girl, like me. :)
I too, am an ambassador for marriage, however I'm sad to say that mine is ending after 23 years...it possibly really ended 11 years ago, but that's another story.....
ReplyDeleteAs I embark on this new road, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did everything humanly possible to make things work - the counseling, the courses, the trying, the anti-depressants...but there's only so much one can do when the other partner's heart and will isn't in it. I don't think my sanity and self-esteem can take any more.
I do love that you are a warts and all friend and partner! :)
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