Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Inside of me, there was a switch that was turned on when I gave birth to my first child. Or perhaps it started in those first few moments of pregnancy, or that first twinge of morning sickness.

The attachment to the growing form begins. And when a child is born, there is the undying love, the adoration, the overwhelming responsibility. After a while this new chapter of your life which started in utter chaos, soon evolves into something more organised, or perhaps a little like a household factory line.

Life continues. The infant becomes a baby. The baby becomes a toddler. Then a little person.

And while you are adoring this growing being as the fog of sleeplessness lifts, something happens.

That switch which is now in the "on" position from the birth of your first child, turns all your logic into goo. Desire and wanting take over. Somewhere between the madness and caring for this one child's needs is this yearning to have... another.

For me it happened the moment my first child was born. We planned to have just one. But the minute I met him, I knew I couldn't stop here. It was a hard, long decision for both of us. But too soon I was pregnant and lost it in the most painful way. Hospitals and massive blood loss. Even then, the hardcore yearning continued.

I'm so blessed to have two healthy children today, and during the pregnancy with my second son, I felt I was risking fate expecting to have another perfectly healthy child. I did not take it for granted.

And right up until a week ago, I've been fully satisfied. I've been saying the words: Our family is complete.

But what is it with that switch that just won't turn off?

And before you start to freak out (Mum, CALM DOWN), let me just say for the record, there won't be anymore babies in this household, unless they're grandchildren. Or friends' children. Or kids I'm minding.

Or one big whoops-a-daisy.

Now, I'm not going to pretend there isn't a dimmer switch when I think of the hard work, the sleepless nights, the washing, and um, did I mention the hard work? But that isn't the 'off' switch.

It was in a moment last weekend when I held a newborn baby. That feeling. That comfortable feeling. The helplessness, the reminiscing. That smell. The comparing of how big your children are now, compared to when they were this little. And this helpless.

I understand that feeling now. The feeling when an elderly stranger asks to hold your newborn, or approaches you in the supermarket to talk about your child. And then that conversation turns into their child. Because that's what happens. We reflect so romantically about our life with our children.

I'm sure they wouldn't want to go back and do it again, but they will say without questions it was the best time of their life.

And that switch. It never seems to flick 'off'.

Do you feel that twang, that yearning for another baby when you hold a newborn? Do you cluck like a chicken, or did you find your 'off' switch?


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  2. Ah Kym a beautifully written post. You know I have not yet found my switch, I don't think I ever will....but maybe after one more I will feel content enough to ignore the pang and live with it :)

  3. 4 miscarraiges for me...2 before Brenton and two after. He is my only biological child (I have a step daughter the same age as my son who is a child of my heart as I prefer to say). I almost lost Brenton at 6 weeks pregnant so was ever so lucky to carry him to term. He was such a perfect, gorgeous and healthy baby. I was beyong ecstatic to get the opportunity to be a mum and decided to look on my cup as always half full never empty. I am such a mother hen and would have loved 3 or 4 children. I am 44 now and it took ages for my clucky feathers to stop sprouting when I would hold a bubba. I think once I hit forty an acceptance of sorts came over me that grandbabies would be next for me sometime in the future.

  4. Don't get me started! Some days I crave another baby, other days I am so contented with my two and I cant imagine another one. Not to mention, getting pregnant both times was not easy for us thanks to PCO. We are programmed to procreate and continue the human race, it is so cruel and amazing all at the same time.
    So sorry for your loss also Kymmie.

  5. Beautifully written Kymmie. I nursed preterm infants for ten years as a neonatal nurse and each and every newborn I nursed kept my on switch on. I am the cluckiest woman alive! I still melt when I see newborns but only just this past year I have decided to count my blessings and cherish the three I have. I told miss 11 yrs last week that when she has children I will be moving in and she will be lucky to cuddle them ha ha

  6. What a beautiful post, Kym. Poignantly written and it definitely hits home. I do love the feeling of holding a newborn baby and I always reminisce about the time when my daughters were still small. I absolutely love, love, love that feeling.

  7. What a lovely post and so encouraging to hear I'm not the only one like this!

    I thought when I was expecting our fourth that he would be our last and that the desire for another would fade but now he is 21 months and I can say it hasn't!

    That's not to say we would have another either. I am perfectly content with our four boys and feel guilty at times for being 'greedy' when I want another.

  8. I don't think it ever fades but instead of nurturing our own children we find ways to nurture others... pets, grandchildren, nieces, nephews... come to think of it that switch is probably on from birth and without thinking about it we are nurturing our dolls and teddies. It's a female thing for sure! Georgie x

  9. Hoping I get to turn my switch on.....maybe next year...maybe hopefully.

  10. You write so beautifully. After my son my switch was well and truly shut off. I never wanted another one. Maybe this was because of my age, maybe the relationship I was in. Then, I met the perfect partner and life just happened. Despite all precautions I became pregnant. My daughter is 8 months and I am yearning for another already. The switch has been turned on and I don't think I'll ever be able to turn it off again now.

  11. While I love holding a newborn, and I love thinking about when my kids where teeny tiny - lack of sleep at my house is the best form of contraception there is!! I think new born babies will always be delicious but there certainly wont be any more at my house!!

  12. After five children my off switch was pressed..I didn't yearn for any more either with all the work that ensued. I knew I had had enough..a quiver full! Now I am just starting to think a child..a grandchild would be a pretty cool idea. One of the best posts you've written..thank you.

  13. So true Kym! What a great post. Logic tells me this baby is my last, but everytime I hold him I get that pang thinking that this is the last time I will have a baby of my own to cuddle. I remember taking to you when I took photos of Noah as a newborn and you were already expressing those same thoughts about him being your last. Thanks for writing about a subject that is so close to a mothers heart. x

  14. My switch is off Kymmie. Off! Four under four did it for me :) I still love a cuddle with other people's babies, but I definitely don't want any more.

    My Mum said to me once, "if you don't feel 'done', the longing will never go away". I think that would be true.

    One more Kymmie??

  15. I had a really hard time with that switch after having 2 children. Interesting post... So we got a puppy and I started a new business so that I would have other 'babies' to nurture.

    Thank you for joining Post Of The Month - I hope you'll link in again next month :) XOL

  16. Ahh the switch. It seems to be causing me some trouble at the moment...

  17. Ahhh I don't think that switch ever goes off for some of us...even at 41. Beautiful post. Stopping in for favorite post month!

  18. Very cute and sweet way to put the baby bug :) My switch isn't turned on just yet, but I have a feeling it will be like that when it is! Stopped over from the Post of the Month club blog hop and glad I did. HAve a great weekend!

  19. Calling by from Happy Homemaker UK as participating in Post of the Month and really enjoying meeting everyone else and reading their favourite posts. Enjoy your family, they grow up oh so very quickly.

  20. I had that feeling after my second. I just didn't feel 'done' and knew that I wasn't finished. My youngest is 2.5 now and my switch definitely turned off after she was born. I don't see that changing any time soon. I was very happy for her to be our last and still am. We had always though three would be a nice fit for us and I'm so grateful that we were given the opportunity.

  21. Oh do I ever, that switch for me is more like a loud wailing siren. Sadly, hubs doesn't feel the same way as I do. Someone told me once people are a lot like legos. They can only be comfortable with so many pegs. My husband is a 3 peg lego in a 4 peg family. I think I am one of those large lego plates that you can build whole cities on ... :(


Thank you for your thoughtful and positive words and taking the time to comment. Love Kymmie. xx